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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177347">Wave of Sentiment</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireandhoney/pseuds/fireandhoney'>fireandhoney</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sherlock Inspired Poetry [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Johnlock inspired poetry, Love Confessions, M/M, Poetry, Sentiment, Sherlock inspired poetry, Sherlock's sentiment</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:26:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireandhoney/pseuds/fireandhoney</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock's scared of drowning</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Johnlock, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sherlock Inspired Poetry [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wave of Sentiment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>People think I'm insensitive, emotionless<br/>
that's what they see of me, because that's what I let them see<br/>
the cold, rude asshole, who doesn't care about anything or anyone but himself<br/>
but that's all a façade<br/>
that's all a front<br/>
I say I do not care for sentiment<br/>
but that's not true<br/>
the truth is, sentiment is overwhelming<br/>
I am extremely sensitive, hyper observant, emotional<br/>
I see everything, I notice everything<br/>
every switch in tone, every look, every choice of vocabulary, every subtext<br/>
I am profoundly aware of everything, always<br/>
and that makes it impossible for me not to be affected<br/>
but I can't let it have a real impact, because then, I would never get over it<br/>
sentiment, and feelings<br/>
they would be all I could focus on<br/>
and so I hide them deeply<br/>
so far down<br/>
that I can pretend they're not there<br/>
pretend I don't care<br/>
and keep this cool exterior<br/>
this impression of being above it all<br/>
I cannot let others know<br/>
because it would submerge me<br/>
I am nothing against the ocean<br/>
and its waves would drown me<br/>
so I stay away, I build walls, I hide<br/>
up on the shore, my toes barely touching the first grains of sand<br/>
protected, but hidden<br/>
and those walls, those borders, those frontiers<br/>
built up to keep the sea away<br/>
end up covering it all<br/>
hiding away the view<br/>
by choosing to avoid, by choosing to stay away to protect myself,<br/>
I chose to not see the ocean at all<br/>
it was all or nothing<br/>
and I chose naught<br/>
for the risk was too big<br/>
the danger, too scary<br/>
I couldn't let myself get lost<br/>
I couldn't let myself get pulled under the sea<br/>
I wish I could have told you<br/>
I wish you would have seen<br/>
So many times, you tried and I pushed you away<br/>
I stood behind the wall, even when you walked around it<br/>
even when you came up to the shore<br/>
You reached for me, you called out my name<br/>
But when you've spent your whole life hearing the waves crash against the rocks<br/>
when you haven't seen its beauty in so long<br/>
It becomes haunting, terrifying<br/>
and you don't dare, you can't<br/>
so I stayed behind<br/>
I looked up at you, but I didn't dare<br/>
and<br/>
I wish I could have gotten up<br/>
I wish I could have followed you<br/>
held your hand and<br/>
together, maybe, we could have held on<br/>
maybe<br/>
you could have been steady enough to keep me up<br/>
you could have been strong enough to pull me out of the sea, to pull me up from the waves<br/>
maybe you could have taught me how to swim<br/>
maybe we could have braved the sea<br/>
maybe we could have made it<br/>
But I didn't dare<br/>
I was a coward, sat on the stone behind the wall<br/>
staring at the bricks and wondering and hoping and failing<br/>
I couldn't keep asking you to join me<br/>
you deserve the sea<br/>
you deserve its beauty<br/>
and I couldn't give you that<br/>
I couldn't risk it<br/>
I couldn't break the wall, take it apart<br/>
brick by brick<br/>
I couldn't trust myself<br/>
the waves were taunting me, hitting the wall harder, making it shake<br/>
making it tremble<br/>
and I couldn't<br/>
I heard your laugh, I heard your smile<br/>
I saw your eyes shine as you headed out to the sea<br/>
and although I couldn't, I envied<br/>
I envied you, your ability to accept the ocean as it came<br/>
to accept that some waves will hit and make you crash and tumble<br/>
able to accept that somethings, you've got to swim harder to keep up, to stay out<br/>
and still having the courage to jump in<br/>
I envied the days when the sea was calm and you could lay on the beach, sun warm on your skin, soft breeze in your hair<br/>
I envied the waves that held onto you longer, I envied the currents that carried you for a while, I envied the sea that got to share all these moments with you<br/>
I couldn't be them, I couldn't be free<br/>
and so I stayed behind the wall<br/>
emotionless, insensitive<br/>
cold<br/>
while my head was screaming<br/>
and my heart was beating<br/>
for me to do something<br/>
anything<br/>
stand on a taller edge, peak around, sneak a moment over<br/>
take a few steps into the sand<br/>
call your name<br/>
let you take me out<br/>
I was screaming for you to help me, but never to you, and always to me<br/>
I was hoping you'd see through my mask, see the real me, and give me the strength I needed<br/>
But you walked away, into the sun and hidden from me<br/>
meeting the sea<br/>
and for once, I was thankful for the wall<br/>
the wall that hid all the ugly, the wall that ended up protecting you from me<br/>
because if I couldn't be brave enough to face the sea, how could I ever be enough<br/>
for you to deserve me?<br/>
and so I hid behind that way and let it submerge me<br/>
with all the things I was missing out and didn't want you to see<br/>
I curled up and became smaller, pushing myself further inside of me<br/>
the façade kept intact, but the insides crumbling<br/>
broken and drowning, in everything I couldn't be<br/>
turns out the enemy wasn't out there, it was me<br/>
so when the sun started shining in<br/>
its rays bringing warmth and brightness<br/>
I didn't even notice<br/>
I was so far down, a soul stuck in the depth of this shell I had become<br/>
it couldn't reach me<br/>
it took me days and weeks and possibly months until I finally started seeing<br/>
things were changing, confusing<br/>
the ocean was calm, but my own waves were rising<br/>
I needed to be saved, and for once, I was willing to accept it<br/>
and when your head appeared over the wall, that's when I realized<br/>
that all those months, you'd been taking it all apart<br/>
removing brick by brick, liberating me<br/>
allowing the sun in<br/>
and when you kept going, when you saw the mess I was and kept going<br/>
deciding I was worth something<br/>
deciding I was worth saving<br/>
I saw the real potential of the ocean<br/>
I saw how its waves had made you who you are<br/>
I realized that you didn't come to the sea with courage: the water gave it to you<br/>
it's by falling and failing and tumbling and drowning that you learned to survive<br/>
and if you'd gone through all that<br/>
and if you were willing to hold my hand<br/>
and if you took down the last brick, clearing the path<br/>
the least I could do was trust that you'd have my back<br/>
and so I took a step forward, and opened my eyes<br/>
and there you were, cozy sweater, cup of tea in hand, sitting in your chair by the fireplace<br/>
looking up at me with your amused smile and a furrowed eyebrow,<br/>
as if asking "What took you so long?"<br/>
and I dove into the ocean</p>
<p>"John, I… I love you."</p>
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